Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Don't stay in bed, unless ...

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns

Bed shopping and bouncing and delivery have proved successful. However, it takes everything I have to lift the billion-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets off of my body in order to get out of our new bed every morning.

I'm all, "Just one more minute on this supreme cloud!" and I could "one more minute" myself into the poor house, my last child will have to go into foster care, and who's going to let the dog out and feed him?!?!?!

In the olden days, before the new bed, I always looked at the clock and did my mental figuring. And my hard and fast rule has been for years, no belly-aching, come what will, come what may, any sleep beyond two hours is "better than a nap!" Four to six hours was just plain dreamy. But now ... NOW!!!! ... eight hours will never be enough. Never!

This thing, has an evil siren call that cuts short what used to be my long stints at the desk. Last night, our cable internet went out, and normally I'd get on the cell (home phone is cable as well) and talk to a tech and then go through a series where I plug and unplug, boot and reboot, until things return to normal, the entire time with ants in my pants because I'm usually in the middle of something I really, really want to finish, so I can start the next best thing!

Last night, I became all okay, whatever?!?!?! at just slightly before nine.

When I came upstairs Mark said, "Well, why not watch a movie with me?" which he called from his new leather recliner (which he also cannot remove himself from), and I said, "Nah?!!?! You know what? I guess I'll just go to bed!"

To bed. The bed. My new lover, which I will have to wire for internet access or I'm totally screwed!

Screwed! The both of us.

Mark typically travels all week, and this week he said, "Luck of the draw, I'm local this week." I'm not sure he's telling the truth. I think he's being seduced by his leather recliner. I think he's been driving around the block, for what seems like a significant period of time, and then all of a sudden he's home, going, "I have a little paperwork to do, and I'm done for the day." Then he, Walter, the laptop and the remote get in the leather chair!

So, that's three of us screwed now!

I'm pretty sure he put in his resignation! I'm about to do the same.

Being grownup with really comfortable beds and furniture is hard.

The pain, the pain ... the horror!

And don't think I'm telling a tall tale. Our previous bed went to my daughter's room on Sunday, after all our furniture rearranging and sheet and electric blanket purchasing, etc. And the whole process really was great fun! We moved into our new house a year ago, and this weekend, with all the new purchases and rearranging, it was like getting to move in all over again.

And now ... make it four of us who are screwed! Screwed!
Ali is a top student who will likely scholarship wherever she wants to go, including a senior partial year exchange in Germany because she is just that fluent!

However, when she got up for school Monday, she said, "I'm going to need my old bed back."

To which Mark replied, "Yeah, I know our new bed is evil too!"

And I called from the new bed, "Can you drive yourself to school and possibly continue raising yourself ... zzzzzzz!"

Then, around 11 a.m., the school called, and Ali was all inside out and vomiting in the nurse's office, so I picked her up and brought her home, and she proceeded to turn inside out and hasn't until just now been able to keep food down, some sprite and a few oyster crackers this morning.

A little while ago, I went out and got her a Whopper Junior and a chocolate shake, went into her room and stuck it on her wicker bed tray and said, "It's okay, sweetie. I understand. You can stop making yourself sick. Stay home! Stay in the bed forever. I'll home school you by cell and laptop from our room because I don't want to get out of our bed either," my voice trailing off as I ran back our room and jumped back into the supreme cloud.

Yeah, this family, it ain't what it used to be. At some point, I was thinking how cool it would be when this blog really fleshed out and I covered all the topics areas where I've championed, trialed and tribulated over the years ... stuff about parenting, writing, work, cooking, the arts, travel!

Yeah, right!

Night! Yeah, it's still daylight, but I hear they have these room-darkening shades that run by remote!

So sue me!

(p.s. in case social services is reading this. ali really was sick. at one point, she was lying on the guest bath floor yesterday because the tiles were nice and cool, and i told her, welcome to college life!!!! to which she moaned no way would she ever get herself into a gastrointestinal situation like this on purpose! aw, out of the mouths of 15-year-old babes! she will be returning to school tommorrow, and she is at this moment, out of bed, in the leather recliner sipping sprite and having some chicken broth and oyster crackers. so far so good, unless mark comes home early and tosses her from the chair!)
(p.s. 2: social services, please note that the mention of "tossing" a minor child from a leather chair was merely a turn of phrase.)


candy said...

lol @ your PS1 and PS2! As for the rest... Anne at her best.

Aphro-ME-siac said...

My first time here- I found myself laughing out loud a few times!! Brilliant:)