Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Color Purple ... and my inner child out for perpetual recess!

... the morning collages are proving to be as helpful to me, myself and I as Julia Cameron's "morning pages," might be to someone else.

I actually have an old copy of Cameron's book, Morning Pages, and I have tried to work my way through it, various times, throughout the varying years. With good faith in my self, I purchased a copy of her book, The Artist's Way, as well.

I loved her concepts. I loved the quotes, here and there, throughout each book. And, I SWEAR!!!!! I really tried the "morning pages." I attempted another of her exercises, an advisement to take my inner child out on a playdate, but she never wanted to go. She was not comfortable with that much freedom.

My inner child does not know how to play, not really, not without the feeling that the gauntlet will drop, or that she'll get caught. My inner child is a bit of an anxious, guarded mess.

I called my daily pages, "mourning pages," and thought that might help to make them more my own, but even that creative little spin on the dark within did not make the regimented task of writing any easier. It was too much like an assignment, the likes of which I was obviously putting off for ... well, like forever!

Give me an hour to write, and I will write nothing. Tell me I have ten minutes between 50 other things that are popping off, and I'll write a million pages. I'm better under the gun.

My inner child, too, survives under the gun. She may run out and play, but two seconds later she will run for cover again. Believe.you.ME!

So, don't ask me why, but the daily collages work better, and some mornings these are more time-consuming than three longhand pages could ever be, and yet ... I never feel rushed. I never feel as if I should get to the "real work" and stop "goofing off."

As I run through the next day's "to do" list in my head every night, lining up work, errands, family, etc. etc. and the six things that might pop up unexpectedly, my thoughts race less when at the top of my mental list is "the morning collages," and the "come what may" aspect of their daily creation.

I don't spin my mind in circles every night now. Instead I search out the sandman, toot sweet, with visions of paper and gluesticks dancing in my head.

It's been very liberating.

And, it's about time.

I, in fact, feel that I've found a way to take my inner child out on a playdate, each and every day, and she's finally free to do so! She finally plays for however long it takes to become real, and real clear, and then let the games of the day begin!

And this morning, my inner child came rushing in, winded, from a sprint in an autumn field, and she's brought with her (from the inside out) a bushel of wild purple flowers!


ferdinand hodler is the master painter, and i've had this postcard tacked up, here and there, through many a move and groove, and now it lives on and again in this collage. ~A

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I haven't been here in way too long and was happy to see your collages here -- how did I not know that you were posting them on your blog, too? You and your inner child are coming up with some great things And my inner child always does better with limits.