Thursday, August 20, 2009

Launching Boats for Dummies

What you will need: One truck, one boat trailer with a Nitro bass boat, two people (one of them a grumpy old man, the other an always pleasant and upbeat woman), some water, a boat ramp.

What you don't need: A mind of your own. It will just make things worse.

Okay, so this is day three of our cabin stay. The last several days it has been rainy, but that's okay, because we have a few days left yet. And you must consider this as well, "How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards." Spanish Proverb.

We have been doing that a lot, resting, relaxing afterwards, etc. etc.

And I've been cooking the most amazing comfort foods in my tiny galley kitchen with the four-burner apartment sized gas stove. Tonight it's oven-baked pork ribs (with bbq sauce from absolute f'ing scratch!, stir-fried fresh vegies, thinly slice garden-fresh red potatoes and of course and ample amount of liquor, in the bbq sauce, and down my hatch!)

But today the sun came out so Mark wanted to take the boat to the launch, which is on the other side of the lake from where our cabin and dock are located.

So we drive over there. The boat is to go into the water, and then he's to motor back to the other side of the lake and park at our rented dock. I'm to drive the truck and empty boat trailer back to the cabins "without crashing the f'ing thing."

I could write another note for "Truck and Trailer Driving for Dummies" too, but mostly I just rolled my eyes and said, "Mark, I'm not a moron. I've driven a truck and a trailer before."

He wasn't listening, however, because he was busy backing the truck out onto the launch, and also telling me what to do when I got out, which sounded something like this. "When I pull ahead, you grab the rope and ..."

Now we have done this a MILLION times before, and I've never let go of the rope or caused any other damage, fallen into the water, cried and/or wet my pants. I've listened each and every time he's given me the, "When I pull a head, you grab the rope and ..."

The thing is EVERY TIME HE PUTS THE BOAT IN THE WATER HE CHANGES WHAT COMES AFTER THE ...

I am not kidding you!

While he's parking the truck, readying it for my crash and burn drive back to the cabins, another guy is backing his own big-ass boat into the water in his own big-ass truck.

His wife, a blond version of me, is standing on the docks with her arms crossed. She looks like she wants to die.

Mark gets out of the truck and comes back to the dock, where I have the boat PERFECTLY where it is supposed to be and out of the way so the other guy can launch his boat.

And Mark says, "You are not supposed to ... I told you, you were supposed to ..."

And out of his mouth comes complete and utter bullshit and then some, to which I say, "Well, if that's what you wanted me to do [smile] then those should have been your original instructions, because I did exaclty what you said, and here's your boat," and I hand him the rope.

The woman says to me, "Don't feel bad. It goes the same for me."

I laugh.

Mark launches on this of course and says, "Why, is this your first time helping to get the boat in the water?"

And the woman goes, "No, I just SUPPOSEDLY never do it right."

Mark laughs.

By this time I'm walking away, saying good luck to the lady and, "If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to go crash our truck now and flip the trailer over!"

The woman laughs.

Her mother or the guy's mother, but totally a grandma, is on the shore with their children, and she says, "You go for it!"

Then I tossed a wave over my shoulder to Mark and said, "Bye Honey. See you on the other side of the lake, once I crawl out of the wreckage of our truck."

And then I drove back to our cabin uneventfully.

Now, Mark is out fishing alone today. We are not so romantically intwined that I can't send him out on the lake alone for the day, since we'll go out later tonight and have two more days yet for boating and such, before the awful day when we have to "rinse and repeat" the above, and go back to the boat launch to put the boat back on the trailer.

OH, MY ACHING ASS!

This, my friends, is why I pack Gin! Plenty of Gin, and earplugs!

I'm off to town to 'splore, and later out for a walk with my little dog. We tried the walk yesterday, after the rains subsided, but some little boys wouldn't stop "barking" at Walter instead of getting with the program and letting him stop barking first so they could pet him. And at one point the little boys actuallY ROARED!!!! at me and the dog, so I walked back towards the cabins.

Mark said, "That was short," regarding our jaunt.

And I said, "Well, it would have been a lot longer if the rat children had not come out of the metro john sewers to pick on our dog!"

And Mark goes, "Rat children?!?!?!? But you like kids."

And I'm like, "Yeah, most of the time, but these kids were ROARING at us, so I'm going to wait 'til the Pied Piper of Hamlin plays his little tune and leads them out to sea."

And Mark gives me that look, Christ! This must be a lit reference, oh my aching ass, I hope it stops raining so I can get the boat in the water soon, OR I'M GOING TO RIP MY OWN EARDRUMS OUT WITH A DULL FORK!

I love vacation. I am not kidding you.

I have never had such a good time. Mark and I have never not had a good time. (Try to build that sentence twice, why don't ya?!?!?!) And even our bad times, speed bumps and the like, in the last four years have led us further than one might think possible.

We are blessed, and we still have beer left!

And now a picture of the sky today after the rains went away.















And another of Walter ... While he was a bit disturbed and nervous after our encounter with the little rat children, he's able to sleep, mostly without screaming.
I've said this before MARK MAKES THE BEST SUNNY-SIDE-UP EGGS IN THE WORLD!
I used to have this Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward B&W photo pasted on black mat board stuck up in my kitchen in the early 90s.
Now, I'm happy to say, I "live" in that kitchen:

1 comment:

blynd_poet said...

Rat Children! Friggin' hilarious!