...far from the madding crowd

.... 11 a.m. departure ... 08-19 ... Walter senses we might actually be going somewhere other than the groomer, the pet boarder, his "grandma and grandpa's house," for a walk, to the bank, to the drivethrough for coffee, the park ... yeah, woot!!!!! THEY ARE ACTUALLY TAKING ME SOMEWHERE!!!!!!


He can get away from the noise of the remodel, reconstruct and landscaping going on at the house! He is psyched.

Reading glasses and my break from my re-read of Anne Sexton, A Biography ... the funny part of which, I'm critically reading it this time, marking the pages, etc. etc. and the road, while Interstate some of the way, was bumpy at best ... and so my notations and lines in the book are jagged and crooked. It looks like I read the book drunk!

A ways down the road about three hours, almost there, and Wisconsin will not fail you ... drive any direction three hours, four hours, whatever, and you can find amazing things ...

... not sure how this blog will come out, or continue as i'm flying by the seat of my vacation pants slightly before midnight settled in our cabin on lake chetak.

... so here goes now, day one of our vacation ... in state versus out of state, and long overdue since we did not take a break or a trip this winter, prepping and saving and dreaming and scheming for our future, the purchase of our house off land contract, the finish of college for my second eldest, the almost finish for mark's second oldest who graduates next year, the marriage of my second eldest, the relocation and revamping of a life as a single parent now (even though that's pretty much what has been all along) for my eldest, the continued moving, shaping and coming of age of my youngest, mark's work, my work, and our little dog too ... and so, yeah, time off and away and in the woods LONG.OVERDUE!

mark travels ALL.THE.TIME!!!

he travels for work, and is everywhere and then some 8 days a week, and it is also these times that he scopes out locations for our trips, in state and out ... but this one we came up with in an effort to "get away" without having to go "too awfully far" (again the beauty of Wisconsin and it's "escapes") and something that did not involve an actual hotel.

we needed A CABIN! hello?!?!?

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ................... 'tis the first day of our trip to the woods/lake, ETC. etc. and i can't wait to see what we find here this week.

and it comes unfortunately (and/or fortunately) during my "twisted week," the time during which my head doesn't quite work in the way i would like it too.

i become disjointed, tangential, hyper and at the verge of "shut-down" at any given moment, even though i keep on going at all costs. it's difficult to describe, and i've been working at making it a part of me that i can accept, but truth be told, since my stroke, i haven't liked the supposed bi-polar acting brain that i'm left with. it is the bane of my existence, thank you very much.

it's the week that no meds work, everything falls through and follow-through in any regard takes all the effort i can muster during a week that i have trouble mustering, at best ... even though no one can tell but me (and those who know me the best) ... otherwise, a week or ten days such as this is farce-fucking-o-la!!!!!! at best.

because, seriously, folks, i act all "business at usual" when it and i get like this.

it is compounded by hormones, since i'm still ovulating and bleeding and maintaining my womanhood, who knew!!!! my neurologist years ago even said, "i'd hate to see what menopause will do to/for you" since just regular stuff and brain chemicals, head injuries, migraines and hormones and such, i'm a total wreck AT.MY.VERY BEST!!!

and it is post-stroke, and i can't stop lamenting that fact, even though seven years have come and gone since then, and i remain alive, but stilllllllllllllllllllllll i whine, recline and wish for the divine days where yes i had migraines and "weird headaches" and such, but at least i was me, the "before" me, because the *me* after the stroke, i have an inability to accept her yet, without a lot of anger and resentment. HUGE RESENTMENT!

... and so it goes, and there couldn't be better timing for it, this trip, this anything, I SWEAR!!

... a change of pace and place when a person's square pegs are bucking up against the proverbial circular black holes. it's a time like this that merits a trip away, away, away .........................that's me, that's my brain. that's what i live with ... but i digress because HERE.WE.ARE. and this is how we got here today:

SUFFICE IT TO SAY:

we left for the woods at 11:00 a.m. on time, which i'm pretty sure we could have left at 10:00 but mark felt it necessary to polish all the rims on the truck AND the boat trailer, and so to each his own anal centering activities, right, which is why i love him, and he loves me like no other could, I SWEAR!

so it was the giant leap and leave-taking, leaving the house, the remodeling, the deck work and the yard restructuring and bulldozing and topsoiling behind, the rec-room design and fleshing out and the bare bones of the third bathroom addition, the hot tub, the new faucets, and all that rot (new rot for us ... but we left it to the contractor/family left behind while we went for woods, lakeshores, and peace and quiet ... and we went to lake chetak, wisconsin.

what did we take with us, in keeping with my to take and not to take list ... for real, what did we take:

-one man

-one woman

-one teddy bear puppy

-no ali, damn it! ... but having reached our destination and checked it ou ... WE WILL BE BACK, so she will get a chance; this WILL be "our spot" for all time until there is no time left ... annual, perptual, lost and now found!

-one truck

-one nitro bass boat that thinks we forgot about it this summer, and i swear it had cobwebbed itself to the driveway!

-two coolers, one metal, on igloo plastic; one with frozen and fridge goods, one with soda and beer.-one brown bag with tanqueray and vo

-one plastic basket of kitchen stuff (not supplied at the cabin) towels and an electric can opener

-one cardboard box of dry goods, can goods and seasonings

-one computer bag

-one toolbox

-one tacklebox (shit, i forgot mine!)

-one suitcase/computer bag, art and journaling bag (my traveling home office)

-one dog kennel

-two cellphones

-two cameras

-two overnight bags, i mean, really you don't need much for the near week; who is going to see you, and who changes clothes on a whim

-two bathroom kit bag
-two sets of reading glasses

-my meds (even though right now they don't particularly work worth a shit and/or a half!)

-books, cds (my supply of books would be lighter if i'd just buy a fucking kindle and get over myself)

-charcoal

-extension cord

-candles (awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, sweet)

-sandals, tennis shoes and our bare feet

departure ... and the drive ... had a great radio station the whole way. mark FINALLY RELAXED! ... the man who is always "on the road again" was this time, on the road again in "his truck" with the boat, and all the fluff!

mark drove, walter was walter, i read and was in deep thought, the world got greener and greener for every mile we went, and we had left green, but somehow, yeah, so ... it got greener, and lusher by the minute ... that is the cool thing about this lush state.

... and then we got here along lake chetak and the first thing i see ... BIGGEST DAMN BALD EAGLE! whoot! it flies right overhead as we enter the small town near the lake and our cabin.

...second thing i see, a sign for "sexton drive," and what was i reading all the way up here, or re-reading and marking and making notations along the way ... yeah, Anne Sexton, a biography, by Diane Wood Middlebrook! ironic yes! and my friend Gary says in email, "steal that sign for me [us]" which i'm not sure i can get to the corroded bolts (or be in county jail if they have one) and get the sign, but dare me to do an etching, double dare me and it will be done!! seriously, the sign and the eagle ... amazing!

...and the cabin ... i'm not even going to explain it ... it looks and feels like every cabin that has ever been, smells like my childhood summers and the like and vastly unlike, the good, the bad, the ugly and the stuff that i can't get past (as of yet) ... and i'm looking forward to all of it, even though it's that "icko iffo" week for me, where come hell or high water, one never knows what i'm going to do, over-do, undo and/or not do at all, but i've now come to realize that is the perfect time for me to take a vacation. seriously! that might be my personal cure!

we'll see. i have hope. i'll help float the damn boat; this might work! ... and the rest is in photos and stuff ...

.....the stove ... one of the first meals of which i'll make at least five while here and that doesn't count breakfast and lunch.

mark travels A LOT so it will be fun to watch him experience home-cooking, real food, staples and all the comforts of home [cabin] for 6 days straight, three meals a day plus snacks paired with fishing, relaxing, this that and whatever the fuck we please, food for the soul, soul for the food.

and the kitchen where it all happens in our cabin, the "oak" cabin, one bedroom, one twin sleeping space on the living/room/kitchen/dining room, one vintage pink-tiled bathroom, screen doors, french doors, ecclectic dishes, furniture, pictures, gas heater, tiny tv, stove, microwave, end tables ... you name it, this cabin has it and then some and spans the tests of time! i dare anyone to come to a place like this and not find something about themselves they thought otherwise forgotten.

... so, the meal, the table, what was the fare?!?!!!? .... center cut ham cooked with brown sugar and various seasonings, simmered with papaya, pinapple, mango ... paired with sweet corn seaosed with butter, salt, pepper, and italian spices, and spinach alfredo and fresh spinach greens! Yum YUM ... IN ALL CAPS!

i mean look at the table and the odd dishes, the formica and the ... i mean, couldn't you just bust into a million pieces without even trying?!!?!?

... and walter got the marrow from inside the tiny circular center-cut bone and then had a seizure and shot out to mars and back again ... supreme doggy treat! mark said don't give him the bone, it's too small, but tomorrow i'm taking part of the thick cord of his yard leash and i'm knotting it tight through and through the bone and it will be his friend this entire week, just wait and see!

walter has already died and gone to cabin heaven twice over, and there is more yet to come.

... and this, the teeny tiny kitchen in our teeny tiny house [cabin] for this week, where i hand-washed the dishes and relaxed as the storms and rains subsided, and the cool breezes filled the cabin through the NUMEROUS WINDOWS!!!! and the dog and his master napped on the couch after our late dinner totally drunk on good meat and marrow.

... and here *I* was, washing dishes by hand, swiping up, running scouring circles around things, calming at best ... reminded me of so many kitchens lost in the land of time ... and this is what a soul needs. no, not house-keeping measures, but the rote and routine patterns of things that remind you of where you came from, and why you'd like to stay a while, sit and chat and try as you might to remember your own damn self!

...anyways, i can't wait to wake, if i ever sleep tonight ... i mean, who knows when i'm this manic-and-panicked state of fucked up brain affairs, but all the better in the deep woods along the lakeshore, in the town we explored a bit tonight, and the town i'll explore more in the next five days ... and that's me, and this blog, and my vacation as it begins ... and i can tell already i wish for it to never end, and i see us coming back here again and again until these cabins disintegrate into to the mulch and moss and forest floor around lake chetak.

i think we found our annual place to find space, and/or a solitary place where i could go where the other knows i'm not far, and/or lost ...

... this was my attempt at catching myself in the tiny cabin bath, with the vintage deco medicine cabinet and pink tile.

anyways ... i have a found a place worth finding and a place worth reminding me of my self, and there will be more pictures, more words, and i will do some art here! yippy skippy.

this next six days. despite my disjointed brain pan, will be far less of a pain in the rain on my plain!

woot!

peace and glorious first day out.