Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Have You Brushed Your Teeth with a Twig Today?!?!?!?

Happy Earth Day, but please people let's remember a few things:

We've always known that if you throw egg shells and coffee grounds out into the yard, flowers will grow. You don't have to be all fancy-dancy about it.

We've also always known what a little bit of elbow grease, water, bleach, baking soda, etc. will do in a pinch ... but now we are being made to feel we need to buy these products prepackaged with the word "Green" on them for it to do any good, for for it to "be any good" for the planet!


Fuck, in a pinch, you can brush your teeth with a twig!

But we've all forgotten these things, and we are all being made to feel not only the dire state of things, but that we have to buy the next new-and-earthly-improved product in order to do better and feel better!

What?!??! ... the F!

The reality is, we all know how to be kind to the Earth.

It's in us somewhere; we've just forgotten and/or the marketers have screamed through the TV at us that we are doing it wrong, and that we need this, that or the other paper towel, sprayed with "just the right Earth-friendly ingredients," but it's just not so.

I only say this because today is Earth Day and it no longer holds the esteem and dream that it used to.

It's all about the hype, and you better buy "green products" from a CHEMICAL COMPANY!!!! if you are going to fix it.

How about you just go outside and breathe, and then plant your garden, as per usual and embrace the other parts of your footprint that aren't carbony!

For crying out loud, it's not that difficult!

And I say it today, because I've had my ear to a few too many focus group sessions, branding table talks and the like since the first of the year, and I'm telling you for the economy to drive back up, yes, we have to spend money.

But spend it wisely.

Spend it on something else.

Don't spend your hard-earned "green" on "green shit" that the designers and manufacturers have marketed and packaged in such a way that you will feel "guilted" into using their products lest Mother Earth swoon in swan song!

That's just not what it's all about.

Instead, brush your whites with a stick today!

Pull the blinds before the sun to save on air-conditioning, and/or put on a sweatshirt instead of turning the heat back on!

What, you can't get that spot out?!?!?!

Elbow grease, remember?!?!?!

And if all you have in the house is that, your elbow, and an old bottle of Windex, use it!

What's the alternative, you can't pour it out?!?!??!

And if you did, where would you pour it?!?!?

Seriously, what are people doing with their old, supposedly deadly cleaning products???!?

They are probably whipping them in the trash and pouring them down their sinks so they end up in the sewers floating around and mutating all those undigested daily vitamins and psych meds!

And the next time you feel like Fabreezing your whole damn house so that it smells like White Linens or Spring Rain!

Open a damn window, instead, and let the real breeze tickle your actual real linens!

Or put up a laundry line for crying out loud before every community in subdivided America bans them!

Happy Earth Day everyone!

It's not about the guilt. It's about embracing the globe with some measure of sanity.

Peace out.

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