Thursday, December 18, 2008

In An Attempt to Explain Things Not Going My Way ...

I feel like a split between Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeanie" or Samantha Stevens from "Bewitched" when they were betwixt and between themselves over their powers not working. Or, worse yet when they were giving themselves headaches over their strict promises to their Master Nelsons and Derwoods, respectively, that they would stop all their magic!

I've had a buggy-wuggy head since Sunday. Coming off a head cold I went straight into the series of unfortunate events that are my head some days. Since Sunday, I have been fighting that 'iffy' feeling my brain gives me every once in a while when the stroked-out sore spot in my skull starts to feel soft and a bit squishy at best. Where it likes to remind me, Hey, remember that time I scared the living daylights out of the rest of your body?!!?

During these particular trying times of my mind, in the beginning stages I have to struggle at points to stay on task, and/or complete my sentences. Bekah experienced the Mom-interruptus sentences on Sunday, which didn’t matter because she was at the helm of the vehicle and I could spill out as many partial ideas about where we should go next or what we should look for, because we were Xmas shopping, which is always a delight and kind of disjointed and over-excitable!

By Monday, I was just “goofy” and aware of the brain dys-ease which Ali and I always find loads of fun because it usually falls on a day such as Monday which just makes them ten-times that more interesting and fun!

By Tuesday it was just me and old brain hat as I continued to ride the storm out!

By Wednesday (yesterday), I was to the stage where I had a “funny headache” (the end of the cycle, woot!) and I was rambling and talking nonstop as well as also acting goofy and okay maybe it was slightly concerning when I ordered coffee at one drive-through window, but then nearly drove off with out retrieving it from the second window. It's a time for making up for as much lost time as possible while all my inner marbles reallign with the planets.

Carol and I were also Xmas shopping and grocery shopping and other shopping by this point, as is our usual routine every week or so. So, she got the brunt of the end-stage, which again factoring in the holiday spirit, we really had a blast. And as we so duly noted, it's nice to be around each other (all of us) if my head is having "one of those series of days." It is both scary and nerve-wracking for all of us, right up to the closing and the "funny headache," but the comfort of being together wins out.

And where does Walter fit in?. Well, he remains very Walter-ish and doesn't seem to notice, which is the great thing about dogs, because they are your best friend no matter what.

And what of my best friend?!!?! I'm pretty sure he was glad he traveled all week (not really, but I'm just saying ... it's difficult to watch someone you love be a head case, so to speak. And it's difficult for me to watch him watch me, if that makes sense!)

And where do I fit in? Well, I'm in, under and through all the very distorted edges, and I'm still learning over five years later to accept these parts of my self that sometimes leak out of my ears and roll around on the floor!

And to Ru, Rae and Lili, well, Granny Princess Annie can do no wrong in their eyes and hearts, and they provide the wind that always resets my sails.

I like to say this doesn't affect my work, but I have to say (despite my high standings) that it did cause problems when I returned to college and that entire juggling act (though I persevered to keep my high standings before ultimately pulling the plug to continue with my work), but it never affects my writing.

As far as any of my art is concerned, since I went all torn paper and mixed media collage after the fact, and no longer do actual cohesive one application projects, my art might in fact be imitating my brain on its best and worst days, or maybe it's the other way around?!?!?!

In the above areas, I dive deep and problems are varying ripples and glitches that I can weather with determination. My determination station hasn't been affected, thankfully, though it can be taxed during certain rough and/or unexpected landings over water!

Same with relationships and parenting. The people who really know and love me ... well, they really know and love me, pre and post stroke. Love rocks, don't it!?!?!

However, the last week or so there have been wonky things going on with the internet which have come to a head after a month of iffy connects and cable problems, which were cured finally yesterday by the service guys … or so they said, but I still feel all “prognosis guarded” in varying respects.

As late as yesterday evening, I still had wonky activities with video, sound and data files to the point where I felt an extreme sage-ing and pseudo sweat tent session might be merited in my lovely home office. I even considered throwing out a new PURPLE Lavender-scented soy candle I had been using thinking maybe, just maybe it was conjuring up odd or difficult spirits.

Things were failing to load, were loading all disjointed, not loading at all or just buggy all together. It was maddening. And today, tasks that should have taken minutes at best stretched on for hours and yet the day seemed to disappear in less than seconds. What?!!?!

In response to all that has been going on since Sunday, I've fed the dead and slept like the dead. I have even dreamt about the dead! I've also had bouts of insomnia and nonstop thoughts into the wee hours, at which point I then get up and start things all over again, which leads me around this current circle, right here tonight, wherein at this late hour on the clock (yes, that circle!), over the edge and into the new tomorrow (well past midnight!), I am now experiencing the ultimate wonkiness of all time!

After the final success of Thursday, which has thusly now passed, after I burned the candle at both ends and right up through the middle! Yes, and that meant the lavender-scented candle because I'm just that brave! ... well, after all that, there's no snow!

You heard me, no new snow! Usually, this is when I most want it and most get it, right before I toddle off to bed to await my new snow blanket. By this time, I have wished for it to such a point that we get BURIED! All-encompassing snow bunny blanket!

It's been promised, and even if I scale off a few inches from the top of the usual hype which started out at something like two feet, there is no visible appearance of anything close to what is supposed to accumulate to the 4- to 6-inch mark by 6 a.m. in order to close schools, block up driveways and thoroughfares and basically make for a yummy, comfy cozy cave-like atmosphere in our little snow globe in our wintery village cove!

We were to be reveling in snow splendor by daylight, falling back into our own soft blankets and tipping over the alarm clocks in order to sleep in!

But right now ... past midnight ... the bewitching hour to which I clearly have no powers,I see nothing whatsoever of a six-sided nature falling from the sky.

We are in serious no-snow-show trouble folks!

Yeah, so I feel like Jeannie or Samantha and I'm crossing my arms and bobbing my head and twitching my nose, respectively, and all that happens is this off-beat doink!!! sound and a great big white NOTHING!!!!!!!

I’m beating my magic powers against a brick wall!

I don't get it!

Okay, so what happened to my refill-the-snow globe powers? I'm serious, people! I can take the wonky internet. I can take the occasional days where the inside of my skull gets squishy and sore at me, I can take disrupted data, sound and video files with no rhyme or real reason for their glitches!

But this?!!??! I can’t take this!

Those who normally call after a snowstorm and say, 'You did this didn't you?!!?' will be calling tomorrow going, 'Oh, my gosh, what happened is your head broken?!?!?'

I feel like stomping my feet like Rumplestiltskin which would be very much like mixing my metaphors and fairy tales with 60s TV show comparisons, and I'm really not at all sure if testing the snow gods like that tonight truly behooves me!

But, really, where is my snow?!?!?!?!....

Let it snow, darn it! Nerve-wracking ....

I am off to bed wrapped in my new purple flouncy yarn wrap that arrived in the mail today, and I'm still holding out hope for snow, becuase I'm that big of a dope!


Jennifer said...

I'm writing this at 2:00 a.m. California time, knowing that I'm in the middle of another bout of insomnia myself (wonky sleep; too much to do; too much submerged thought and emotion).

Glad you got your snow! Glad that the buggy-wuggy head (which sounds unsettling) doesn't affect your ability to write. And I like the idea of a sage-ing/pseudo sweat tent session as the cure for Internet/computer ills.

Anne Cunningham said...

I love, love how you put in the California time! Even though my brain hates math, I always have a California to Wisconsin time change thing going on in my head. Several of my clients are in California, and I love California time in that case when I'm reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal busy because if it gets to be 5pm here, it's still not 5pm there yet! It gives that song a whole new meaning when I have deadlines out east because then when I'm in a crunch, I'm always, "Oh, shit, it's 5 o'clock somewhere!" Then I start drinking.

And I will be contacting to add your definition to my word wonky ... "too much to do; too much submerged thought and emotion," as that totally describes it!