Friday, September 21, 2012

... the sound of a train in the distance ...

... in high school, a best friend and i passed a considerable number of written notes.  there was one point where our notes merely consisted of "love" and "hate" lists.  i grabbed this memory up as a writing prompt today, as i've been trying most of the summer, but successfully this week to journal (hand-writtten) on a very nearly daily basis ...

"I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between."
Sylvia Plath (The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath)


-missing Mark.
-the pseudo jukebox radio in the kitchen, playing country western music. –second favorite being the same radio playing 70s songs.
-the sound of the breeze playing in the trees.
-watching the dogs sleep, play, wrestle.
-watching the dogs do everything.
-petting the dogs until I fall asleep.
-baking cookies.
-trying new recipes.
-cherry tomatoes!!!!
-stuffing garden-fresh peppers.
-the sound of a train in the distance (sometimes).
-the feel of my pen on this page on a more regular basis.
-coffee with FOAMED MILK!
-conversing and feeding off of the unique personalities of the “little girls.”
-talking to my girls.
-watching Abigale and Sara grow.
-reconnecting with my mom.
"Everything with me is either worship and passion or pity and understanding. I hate rarely, though when I hate, I hate murderously. For example now, I hate the bank and everything connected with it. I also hate Dutch paintings, penis-sucking, parties, and cold rainy weather. But I am much more preoccupied with loving."
Anaïs Nin (Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love"--The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin (1931-1932))

[Hates] Frustrations …

-the fact that I am unhealthy again- food-wise- ‘tho remedying same.
-the fact that Dad is terminally in pain.
-worrying about Mom’s heart.
-the sound of a train in the distance (sometimes).
-the fact that I can’t sustain decent handwriting despite the fact that I’m “writing/journaling” again.
-the fact that I’m too hard on myself.
-the fact that I can’t make myself “jump” out of bed in the morning.
-the fact that I feel like I still have to “make myself” in any respect.
-the fact that I’ve used the word “fact” for all the things I [hate] that frustrate me me, as if  they cannot be changed.
-the fact that I didn’t do that in my “like” list.
-the FACT that I remain too hard on myself, this self I feel I have to make.

"Sometimes we reveal ourselves when we are least like ourselves."
Anaïs Nin (Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love"--The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin (1931-1932))


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